Cher and Christina Aguilera deliver an early Christmas turkey in the ultra camp musical, Burlesque. With a threadbare plot, terrible acting and cringey love scenes, there was nothing else to do but sit back with a pre-viewing cocktail and enjoy the razzle dazzle, writes Alexis Thompson.

We've seen it all before, small-town girl Ali (Christina Aguilera), with a big voice and big dreams leaves behind her trailer trash roots and heads to the bright lights of LA. There she stumbles across a smoky Burlesque bar run by glamorous granny, Tess (Cher) and the rest is history. Yawn. Luckily the outrageous costumes, show stopping performances, and big voices stopped me from falling asleep, and as I sipped my Cosmopolitan my foot began tapping and I realised this was actually quite fun.

The film tries desperately to be Chicago, with Christina modelling herself on Velma Kelly, strutting around in her sultry costumes and sleek bobbed wig. But it struggles to take itself seriously enough and descends into a string of camp theatrical performances instead. It's almost like the director gave up half way through and said to the cast “you know what guys, lets just have a ball.”

Without the glitzy stage acts the film would have fallen apart at the seams, the acting was unbearable to watch at times and the script was about as painful as Cher's plastic surgery.

Fortunately for Christina her powerful set of pipes helped to gloss over the fact that she couldn't act, and she also provides a bit of eye candy for the male viewers.

Less burlesque and more soft porn, her outfits don't leave an awful lot to the imagination and even when she's off stage, she's still wandering around in her bra and knickers in almost every scene.

Cher on the other hand leans towards the dominatrix look, with tight leather pants and jet black hair, but she can only muster a creaky performance as tough cookie Tess, the owner of The Burlesque Lounge.

She may have been an Oscar winning actress back in her heyday, but Cher is clearly past her sell by date. Her acting is as unconvincing as her youthful looks, and her extensive plastic surgery has left her void of any facial expression, making it difficult to identify what emotion she's trying to convey and at times what she's even trying to say.

The supporting male roles helped to prop up the women's poor performances a little, with the hunky Jack (Cam Gigandet) playing Christina's love interest. Mincing around in eye liner and tight vest tops, Jack provided us with an extra slice of camp, but there is no on screen chemistry between the two. Their love scenes were more cringey then steamy, the high light being when he entices Ali to a cookie from a packet he is holding next to his crotch.

The best acting comes from the sharp-witted yet sensitive stage manager, Sean (Stanley Tucci), who plays the novelty gay best friend. He takes Ali under his wing, reminds Tess of a few home truths and is the only character you can truly warm to.

Aside from him the only other thing that gave the film a bit of authenticity was the way the other girls hated Ali when she first arrived at the club. Off stage Christina's character has as much depth and charisma as a plastic barbie doll, so their catty remarks towards her and overt bitchiness made the film a little more believable, because no one else would have liked her in real life.

Lets face it, if you stick a bunch of insecure women who hide behind costume and makeup on stage alongside two big egotistical superstars (Aguilera and Cher), there's bound to be fireworks. The display was an awesome sight, but beyond the pretty colours and razzle dazzle there wasn't much else.

It may be called Burlesque, but this film doesn't really know what it is. That doesn't matter though, just sit back, have a few cocktails like I did and enjoy.